so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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