i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
