The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
