I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
