i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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