Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
