You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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