I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
