i would punch a child for taco bell
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
