Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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