I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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