i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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