I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
