I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
