brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
only you would photoshop your dick
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
