I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Shame - the story of my life.
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