remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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