I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
