funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need to sanitize my soul.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
