Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
