I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
