don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
