he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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