There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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