So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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