I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
