help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
