I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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