So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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