Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
