Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she looked like the before picture.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
