I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
