is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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