my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
