so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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