I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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