when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
