..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
