I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
