capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
