found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
