I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
