i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
