I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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