every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
