Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
