She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
