Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
