so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
