Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
