We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
